I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
