i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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