it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
