You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
