Just cropdusted the office
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're a waste of cheezeits
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
