just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
