can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
