john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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