Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
