I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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