very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
