he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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