I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
