I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
