I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
