just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
