he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Success! We fucked roommates!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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