Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
