Texts From Last Night

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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.

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  (+64): No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker. http://tfl.nu/g6g3
  Replies (7) Good night (6156) Bad night (761)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?

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  (503): Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem? http://tfl.nu/dk03
  Replies (24) Good night (866) Bad night (3272)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her

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  (678): SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her http://tfl.nu/v70p
  Replies (20) Good night (3023) Bad night (4388)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.

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  (541): side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children. http://tfl.nu/bng1
  Replies (2) Good night (3497) Bad night (1175)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

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  (802): She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there. http://tfl.nu/44mo
  Replies (12) Good night (7261) Bad night (1246)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.

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  (512): At this point I just want to meet a man with a job. http://tfl.nu/97ts
  Replies (13) Good night (1859) Bad night (1639)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.

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  (631): I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again. http://tfl.nu/8i97
  Replies (4) Good night (1906) Bad night (655)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning

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  (808): I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning http://tfl.nu/745i
  Replies (8) Good night (807) Bad night (2496)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.

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  (604): I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away. http://tfl.nu/d7d8
  Replies (5) Good night (695) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"

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  (205): He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos" http://tfl.nu/1xhi
  Replies (10) Good night (1685) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.

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  (586): I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science. http://tfl.nu/0s8c
  Replies (6) Good night (1519) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.

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  (785): How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila. http://tfl.nu/btl9
  Replies (2) Good night (230) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.

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  (978): Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight. http://tfl.nu/yzh3
  Replies (1) Good night (421) Bad night (169)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.

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  (970): There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway. http://tfl.nu/ao1h
  Replies (3) Good night (446) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO

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  (303): Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO http://tfl.nu/snhd
  Replies (2) Good night (248) Bad night (166)

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