And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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