I'm eating all of the evidence.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
