She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there