Texts From Last Night

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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.

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  (778): i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome. http://tfl.nu/42ph
  Replies (15) Good night (2461) Bad night (716)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.

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  (724): He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him. http://tfl.nu/jd1k
  Replies (23) Good night (3299) Bad night (835)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs

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  (406): Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer. (1-406): Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs http://tfl.nu/ro47
  Replies (46) Good night (937) Bad night (4557)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.

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  (253): don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects. http://tfl.nu/678l
  Replies (15) Good night (803) Bad night (2991)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

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  (970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify
  Replies (58) Good night (8874) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.

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  (732): I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/e3sn
  Replies (18) Good night (7454) Bad night (1021)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.

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  (904): Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer. http://tfl.nu/ug99
  Replies (11) Good night (2014) Bad night (1358)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.

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  (603): A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you. http://tfl.nu/2hjp
  Replies (4) Good night (2727) Bad night (667)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard

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  (717): But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard http://tfl.nu/v6zl
  Replies (4) Good night (1050) Bad night (1465)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding

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  (541): Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding http://tfl.nu/9api
  Replies (3) Good night (666) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on

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  (812): Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on http://tfl.nu/glb4
  Replies (4) Good night (1534) Bad night (707)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.

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  (+44): I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership. http://tfl.nu/vlyz
  Replies (2) Good night (780) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.

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  (850): I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again. http://tfl.nu/tqvr
  Replies (5) Good night (782) Bad night (272)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.

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  (402): No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn. http://tfl.nu/c09n
  Replies (1) Good night (318) Bad night (580)
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  (310): View more from California

  My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.

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  (310): My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another. http://tfl.nu/1lkm
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (203)

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