What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.