I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
