You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
