My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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