remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
