Cold hands, warm shart.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
