why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
