oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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