I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
