I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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