Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
