he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
