okay pat passed out under dana's car
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My pussy is not your playground.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
