I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
