**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
