dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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