soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
