rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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