i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
