He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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