last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
