I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
