Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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