Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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