I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
