did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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