how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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