Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
