3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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