Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
