How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
