so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
