You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
