peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
