I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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