i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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