Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
