Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
