Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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