We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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