did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
