i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
