found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
