Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
