U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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