she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
