Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
