Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
