onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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