Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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