I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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