I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
