i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
