I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
